I always knew this day would come but I imagined I would be in a better situation lifestyle wise. While I'm lucky enough to have an amazing partner who balances me out, buoys me up and puts up with my craziness and have been blessed with two fabulous daughters, I thought by now I would have achieved a bit more when it comes to work, that I wouldn't cower in fear when asked the dreaded question
"So, what do you do?"
I want to be able to say writer and acupuncturist but having made not much money from either venture in the past few years, I have a choice. Either stay poor and be a less than shining example for my daughters or return to a job I have no love for,one that I thought I had left behind but my inability to garner any semblance of a career path indicates otherwise. I'm no longer really early 30s, I'm now (gulp) mid-thirties. Isn't it about time I had my own house?Isn't it about time I could answer any probing career questions with a confident and happy answer. Isn't it about time I had some semblance of success
I've got kids now and perhaps more importantly I've got daughters.Its important for me to show them that I make a financial contribution to the household. Also I have discovered that all stay at home and no work makes mummy go a little cray cray. Well a lot cray cray to be brutally honest.I need adult interaction and even if the job I'm returning to may rank as one of the least enjoyable ones there are out there,it does provide me with human interaction in abundance. Plus it will enable us to buy a house. This is also important as having our own place will enable me to feed my inner artist.The dream of having our own place that we can decorate ourselves exactly as we like it is one that is too powerful to ignore. Images of purple living room walls, a lovely garden and shelves dance around my head-so many shelves. Mummy loves her storage!
Also a birthday is a chance to make changes, like another go at the new years resolutions that have been cast by the wayside. I now have 365 days to make these changes, to put things right before I get another free trip around the sun and my mantra for this coming year for me,in the age of Christ is going to be this-when faced with difficult decisions, I am going to dig deep and respond with-
"What would Jesus do?"What does this mean exactly?Well I'm not the most religious of people but I've always liked the historical figure of Jesus Christ, and while I don't believe that he is the son of God, I do believe that about 2000 years ago, there was a dude called Jesus who lived in present day Israel and lead a good life, inspiring others to do the same. So me doing what I believe Jesus would do means I'm going to attempt to be a better human being-be kinder to strangers, be a more patient mummy to my kids, be a more thoughtful friend and daughter. Make little changes which I hope will lead to big ones. And work on the bloody career path. Because all those hours spent in a job you absolutely hate can't be good for the soul.
|Still from the movie Dogma.|
So this time next year,I won't say hand on heart that I intend to have life some way sorted-the procrastinator in me hears that 36 might well be an acceptable age to get ones shit together!-but with a little luck I may be on the way to a more concrete foothold in life instead of the ever changing quicksand landscape I seem to find myself sinking into. Oh, and would a workplace with decent coffee be too much to ask?